21

At the risk of sounding whiny....I'm really sick of not being able to have kids!!!

I just got a call from yet another friend that's pregnant!!

I swear everyone I know is having a baby but me....It sucks!

It's an odd set of emotions...happy for your friends who have or are expecting children, but sad for yourself at the same time.

Add to that the knowledge that your friends feel bad sharing their great news, because they know you're having such trouble. It just introduces a whole new level of suckage to the situation.

Today for "fun"

J. and I counted all of the babies born or expected by friends and family since we started trying...

21!!!!!!

TWENTY ONE babies either here or on the way.

All I need is ONE...

It's not fair. I love all of my parent and expectant parent friends, but it's hard to not feel a tinge of envy or jealousy or whatever it is when I get calls about "little Billy sleeping through the night" or "we have good news"...

It's not their fault, it's no-one's FAULT and I feel really badly for feeling this way...I really try my best to be a bigger person than this but sometimes I just get pissed that I can't share good baby news of my own...

I'm glad I have so many friends that have kids..the next best thing to having my own is being able to share in the lives of friends and their families, I just needed to vent..so if your my one friend that actually reads this blog, please don't choose not to share.

:-)

Parent / Child Relationship

Arggg!!! Why is it that at 36 years old - my dang step-dad can still make me feel so bad?

Am I emotionally retarded or something????

We just had the most ridiculous conversation about when J., my sister and I picking up furniture from them...

I was generally confused about what and when he was expecting ufrom us - after we hung up, I could tell he was miffed with me.

Searching my brain for what I did wrong and fearing he may have come across as an ungrateful bratty kid - I called him back to be sure he understood where I was coming from with my questions and to make sure to express my appreciation for their generosity.

What I got for my fence mending effort was more of the "I'm pissed at you" speech, lecture and tone.

So (taking the high road again, I apologize for everything can imagine I might have said to have placed myself on the receiving end of his wrath.

Would you believe it wasn't good enough?????!!!!

What's worse....he wouldn't even tell me why he was mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He gave me some mumbo jumbo about..."If you were a child, as your parent I would need to discuss this with you, but as an adult, I do not have to"....

To which I replied "isn't communication the basis for a healthy relationship Dad?....If you're not willing to talk this out with me, I guess that's your choice...I just need to let you know that this is exactly the sort of thing that makes our relationship difficult at times"

He said "Yes, I know", chewed me out a little more and hung up........

Now I ask .....exactly who is the child here?????

I know he is being unreasonable and that this is entirely his issue, not mine...

But I am so torked off right now I can't even sleep....Why do I care so much when my parents are mad at me????

Slow Chef

Watching J. and I cook is quite a sight. Instead of being my “Su Chef”, we have affectionately dubbed him my “Slow Chef” because if his meticulous nature. He’s always precise and unsure of the cooking task at hand, and usually has trouble comprehending the timing of cooking, so I assign his jobs accordingly.

A little history in my own neuroses is needed here. I like to have everything accessible, especially in the kitchen. I also like aesthetically pleasing containers for all things. Sugar doesn’t stay in the brown bag you bring it home in, it goes in a nice Martha Stewart container… as does the powdered sugar, brown sugar, rice, assorted nuts, chocolate chips… and yes, the flour.

Tonight, J. agreed to help me make chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies.

After a quick trip to the store to gather the remaining ingredients, I started mixing the sugar, eggs etc... J. was in charge of dry ingredients, ya can hardly screw that up.

Needless to say, the wet ingredients for these cookies were prepared and waiting for a while as he carefully measured exact proportions of cinnamon, flour, baking soda and salt.

Having made white cream gravy the previous week, I noticed that the flour container J. had out looked a little “different”, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong with it. The flour was the correct consistency, but was more brown or grey than I remember flower being. I mentioned a time or two, during his project, that the flour looked weird and asked if he was sure it was flour. He reminded me that he had packed into the container very tightly (understatement) so he was 100% sure it was flour.

As my impatience builds… J. is finally ready to begin sifting his mixture of dry ingredients in with my wet ingredients. I again mention how strange the flour looks.

I start to see the wheels spinning in J,’s head, and then a light bulb goes off!...

“I wonder if it’s Bisquick”? he says…

Holy Crap…!

I stop him immediately from dumping the toxic cookie killing mixture into my perfectly creamed sugar, butter and eggs.

We both keel over laughing as we dump what may have made delicious pancakes into the trash, and begin again, this time with actual flour.

Giddy from laughing and trying to finish baking these dang cookies we get to the part where you add the chocolate chips.

J. dumps over a mason jar 1/3rd full of semi-sweet morsels and a few stick to the bottom of the jar. Being the perfectionist that he is, he tries to tell me that the chips are in fact milk chocolate instead of semi-sweet as he tries to knock those few chips free. I sigh, with the beginning signs of exaspiration for our own personal three ring circus and say "they're semi-sweet"

What he wasn’t thinking about, however, was the fact that he was holding a beater fresh from the cookie dough in the same hand, and batter was flinging all over the place as he is explaining his rationale for believing the chips are milk chocolate, not semi-sweet. I roll my eyes and then squeal with laughter pointing out the globs of cookie dough stuck to various containers, the counter, his face etc.

At this point, looking defeated but with a smile on his face…after the Bisquick and cookie dough fling fest, he gives up his one sided debate of milk chocolate vs. semi-sweet and simply says, “…I clearly don’t know my ass from a hole in the ground tonight… so you are probably right....”

Veruca Salt...

My greatest journalistic contribution ever...thanks to Phil Barcio - editor extraordinaire....

Source: Peal Magazine January, 1995...inaugural issue

Veruca Salt

Peal's Editor in-chief, Tiffany Sudela recently embarked on a mission to interview the band Veruca Salt. Tif wandered the corridors of Numbers searching for her contact, "Mr. Grumpy", the bands road manager. But instead, unfortunately, she ran into the band along the way. Their brief conversation went something like this:

Tif:
Excuse me, I'm Tiffany Sudela with Peal Magazine. Can any of you guys tell me where the road manager might be?

Band member Steve Shapiro:
God I hate to be interrupted...

Tif:
S'cuse me?

Band Member, Steve Lack:
I'm not his keeper, he's mine.

Road Staff:
Wait around for a while downstairs

Tif:
Could you tell him I'm here if you see him?

Road Staff:
I have to fax something...

Obviously Tiffany was wasting everyone's time, including her own. So from here on out we won't bother to conduct any real business with Veruca Salt, their road manager, or crew. Instead we'll just make a bunch of shit up, starting right now...

Interview with Veruca Salt

Tif:
So, do you guys suck or what?


Band Member Steve Shapiro:
Yes, ma'am. We do suck, very much.

Tif:
That's what I thought. I'm going to leave now.

Band Member Steve Lack:
No, don't go! Please interview us! Without free press we would get zero advertising. Even though we're signed, nobody has ever heard of us, and those who have seen us play know that we're really just a bunch of assholes!

Tif:
Interview this Steve (rude gesture)

Insert photo of Willy Wonka character Veruca Salt